Looking back into my childhood

Well, don't assume that I'm super old just by reading the title fellow readers. I'm just a twenty year old girl with some issues during her childhood and still do actually. I want to keep learning so, I keep making mistakes until there is no more mistake that I need to do.

Anyways, lets not waste any time and get straight to the point. I was thinking for hours about what to write in order to update my blog and since it has been quite awhile that I wrote something, I want to give something really nice for your brain to chew (don't worry I won't make you think much). I was chatting for a couple of hours with a friend online about some 'things' and as the conversation ended, I realized that I still didn't have anything in mind that I want to write about. Then I remembered my days in school and why am I the way I am today.

I was not a happy kid. I was a kid who pretended to be happy. I was a kid who pretended that everything was going to be okay if you just keep hoping and keep having faith in that hope. I was a kid that kept pretending to understand the adults. I was a kid who pretended it was totally cool if my parents did not make it on sports day to watch me be the mascot or support my participation. I was the kid who supported others when I myself needed the most support. I was the kid who had no other voice speaking up for me and no other ears to listen to my voice. I am not an orphan but, I felt so sometimes. I had ignored many negative voices in my head. I had ignored many situations to keep myself safe from being hurt. I had cried myself to sleep for most of the nights. I was made to feel useless and my self-esteem was constantly attacked by those around me. I was made to feel guilty even if I did no mistakes.

I had trust people and had allowed them to hurt me that I dare not trust anyone anymore. Most of the time, I just respect people. I do not trust them. These people, they just want me to be their listener. I should always understand them you see; because they are too perfect to need to understand others. They are never wrong (so they think). They say that I need to understand them. They say that I need to change. They say that I am not listening. They say that I am too stubborn. They say that I don't talk to them. They say that I am too secretive. They say that I am too influenced by my friends (those they are not fond of). Well, they should try their own advice first before giving it to someone else I'd say. I do talk but, they don't listen, they just hear. To listen and to hear is two different thing people!

My point is, if you have children please learn to accept their flaws. They might not meet up to your expectations but, it doesn't mean  that they don't deserve your attention and support. Yes, it is important for your children to know that you have a certain problem especially when it is a financial one. Letting your children know a little something about your troubles develops a sense of responsibility in themselves. They become much independent sometimes and know that things don't always come easy in life. Teach them to learn from failures because IT WILL make them stronger.

The most embarrassing moment in my life???

I had come across this question a few times before and I still do not know the answer to it. I do not know how an embarrassment should make me feel because, I am a sensitive person and I do take embarrassing moments extremely emotional. Sometimes, I become very depressed too. So yeah...

Anyway, I think I have one up my sleeve right now that I can share...

I think I was around 15 years old at the time. I was waiting for my dad to come pick me up from school. As I was waiting for my dad, I saw my brothers' old schoolmate waiting at the same spot too. They were just 5 steps away. At the time, I did not realize or even knew that those two boys had a sister who was studying at my school ( I study in an all girls school). I did want to strike up a conversation because I do know them but, I was shy. Then I saw them trying to get their message through 'sign language'(not the proper one; it was more of body language), using their hand movements and lips movements. Stupidly, I assumed that they were addressing it to me and I replied to them loudly (I should have minded my own business...). I actually thought that they were asking where were my brothers. A while later, I realize that they were not looking at me. They were looking over me. Their sister was sitting right behind me (about two steps away) and I did not realize.

However, when I did realize, I tried to cover up by looking over the boys. I shall tell you, it was not that... embarrassing when I realize that they were not talking to me. What came later is much embarrassing than that. I saw my discipline teacher sitting at table a feet away, watching me the whole time. In my head, I imagined to lock myself in a cupboard and never come out ever again. I swear I saw that woman holding back her laughter. IT WAS SO... EMBARRASSING!!!

How to live?

This question has no specific answer to it. However, we keep asking this question to many people. How do I live? What is the meaning of life?

The answer varies for every different individual whom go through life differently everyday. One individual cannot live too many lives of other individuals. Still, for the same question every individual never stopped seeking for the answer. We would either know the individual or might not know the individual. My definition of life is trust.

Without trust, you won’t be able to live. Everyday, you would wake up and worry which bastard would stab you in the back. Which of those whom you love would leave you? Which person in your life that you trust so much would shatter your trust? You would go through everyday with fear in your eyes and doubts in your mind. You might even end up not trusting yourself. You will start asking questions to yourself;

Am I a bad person?

Am I not worth it?

Do I not deserve someone special in my life?

 Should I not trust anyone anymore?

Should I move far away?

Should I still be alive?

What’s the point of living when I can’t live my own life?

What’s the point of giving advice when I myself cannot follow my own advice?

Why is it that I should listen to those around me when they don’t even hear me out?

What’s the point of being alive?

Who am I living for?

What is my purpose of living?

Can I get one good reason that I should be alive?

Do I have a reason to live?

How do I live?

When you start asking all these questions, stand up from your seat. Put away what you’re doing. Leave that cigarette. Leave that bottle of whiskey on the table or what ever type of alcohol you have in your hand. Wipe away your tears. Put a smile on your face.

It’s not because I am going to help you find your answer. I am not God. I can’t give you your answer. You got to find the answers on you own. However, I can tell you one thing for sure. Pull up your socks. Get ready for your new adventure. Don’t worry, this adventure is not expensive. It is priceless and only you can travel it. You don’t have to pack your bag. You don’t even need to throw away your old stuff. Well, not until you are ready that is. Unless you are someone whom has lost someone special, you don’t have to throw anything away. Maybe you might have to get rid of some bad habits that you have acquired during the miserable days of your life but, not your belongings unless, you want to.

Talking about losing someone... well, honey... if you have lost someone really important, many might have told you to let go. Look, letting go is a choice of yes or no. Seriously speaking, you don’t really have to let go. It is all about acceptance. The acceptance, that the person is no more in your life. You don’t have to forget about the person. You don’t have to delete the person too. If the person has hurt you, learn to forgive. If the person has wounded you, learn to forget. It is easy to say, ‘just move on’. It is hard to actually put it into action. Even to forgive and forget, its definition varies for each individual. You don’t have to be like everybody. Do it according to your own comfort. No one is forcing you. No one is forcing you to breathe. No one is pressing a pillow against your face. Just take a deep breath and decide on what you really want to feel.

Well, that’s for those whom have lost someone. I am going all the way back to where I asked you to put a smile on your face. See, I didn’t ask you to put a smile on your face and hypocritically tell you that everything is going to be okay. I asked you to put a smile on your face because; you still have time ahead of you. You can still make it in time to make a difference in your life. When I say make a difference, I didn’t mean make a huge donation. I meant, make a difference in YOUR LIFE. Seriously, what’s your point of helping others live when you can’t live your own life? It might give you some kind of satisfaction but, the satisfaction would just be for a short while and, what about later? Are you going to keep donating until you go totally bankrupt? Better give me the donation then...

Honey, it’s okay to not be able to trust anyone. You are not alone. Many of us don’t trust the people around us. Only some whom are daring enough to admit that they don’t trust anyone. When you accept that truth about yourself, honey, you should be proud of yourself because, at that moment, you are finally breathing for yourself. You finally found the right door to come out. You won’t know how it happens but, you’ll definitely feel how light your chest would get.

Hey, I said that you’d go trough a new adventure. I didn’t say I would guide you through it. Baby, this is something you should do on your own. Don’t depend on anyone but yourself. This is your life now and it is up to you on how you want to start it because, when you start, there is no end to it. It is forever. You will have to find those answers on your own; you will have to go through a lot of pain in order to find the answers for your questions; you will need to do it alone; you will need to depend on no one else but yourself. And, I’ll tell you one thing for sure; you will be proud of yourself and it will be worth it. Just be careful on how you are going to start your journey okay... You have been listening to all those unnecessary people all your life right? Now, listen to your world. Listen to the universe. Communicate with them. 

Early Marriages

This is another assignment of mine that I submitted for one of my subjects in college... =)
So, here you go...

Early Marriages

Most of the time, early marriages are related to child marriages. However, this time I would like to relate early marriages to adults whom range from the age of 17 to 25 and not children. As fact, we all have known that child marriages are unacceptable and irrational and there are many articles about it on the internet that you can immediately get to in a second. In contrast, early adult marriages are not discussed as much as child marriages while many know that the situation is almost equally harmful. To note, most of the time women have always been the victims of these marriages. In today’s world, most women are educated and so are the men however, why do we encounter subjects such as divorce, cheating spouses, suicide, abortion and baby dumping? Have any of us actually thought about this? That is why I am incorporation certain points in the coming paragraphs.

The main cause for such incident to take place comes from root. By root I mean, the family. Specifically I mean the elders in the family. Young adults are very vulnerable to emotional blackmails from their family members although they are the most stubborn creatures. They are aware of their responsibilities towards their family and they know if their family’s decisions are right or wrong. However, when it comes to emotional blackmail, all logics are thrown out the window and the only matter that would be taken into count is the happiness of their elders. The elders in most families are not to be said uneducated although there are some whom are uneducated or whom are lack of education. Well, the matter is that they are not up to date with the current world. They are still stuck with their own old mentalities and old principles which many of us know that not all are applicable in the current world. On top of that, many elders have the misconception that early marriage could lead to early pregnancies that could lead to having more grandchildren. Young adults automatically become victims of their elders’ needs.

The effect that would come of this irrational decision could lead to young adults ending up in divorce cases. The reason to this is that, young adults whom are forced into early marriages are stuck in a stressful situation of not accepting their spouses for who they are. Sometimes, too many differences of each other’s personality and characteristics could lead to emotional frustration as they are constantly fighting within themselves. Young adults whom are married when they are at the age range of 21-25 will have financial problems as they did not have the time to develop their career. If one cannot support himself, how can he be able to support a family? Taking a woman into account, if she is married of to a man of doesn’t matter what age he is, or how financially stable he is or even how settled he is, the woman will still suffer in the future if any kind of problem comes up. This is because the woman will be very dependant on the man for all kind of support. On top of that, being married off at a very young age, might have caused the woman to give up on her own hopes and dreams as of now, she has been forced to take the responsibility of a wife. It costs more if the woman does not have a higher education for her to be able to support herself which will cause her to be totally dependant on the man she’s married to and put up with much critical troubles in the future. Especially, if she has children or experience domestic abuse.

Furthermore, early marriage between young adults could also lead them to cheat on their spouses. Having been forced to get married is not a mild issue. It involves emotion. Women are well known to be emotional. Men, on the other hand are equally the same but, we can’t see it because, they don’t express themselves like women do. Women are known to be vulnerable so, when a woman cries it is very casual. It is not a new matter. It is bound to happen. In contrast, when a man cries, it is weird. This is actually a general point of view because, men are always known as the stronger gender. Men are known to be stone hearted. However, we always overlook the fact that, both men and women are just normal human beings and, human beings have emotions and God never restricted any of his children from expressing themselves. Getting married at a very young age and against self will, young couples will go through misunderstandings as they can’t accept the marriage whole heartedly to surrender himself/herself to the person he/she is married to entirely because of his/her guilty conscience. Therefore, there will be lack of communication, lack of physical and emotional attachment towards their spouses. This would lead them to find for happiness outside their marriage. Miscommunication would lead to the lack of attention towards each others’ emotional and physical needs and this does not just include men but, it also includes women as well. In the current world, this has become very normal especially among young married couples.

Therefore, young adults whom are forced into early marriages should learn to communicate with their elders and try to make them understand that it takes time for both individuals to be sure that they are ready to be married as well as ready to start a family. Young adults should learn to speak for themselves and realize, it’s their life that they are putting at risk and others’. They should realize that they are the ones that are going to be living together against their own will and not their elders. Marriage is a sacred foundation of starting a new honest life with two willing hearts and, not the foundation that should be started with compromise and lies. They should keep this in mind. 

Q8-9 - TLT Assignment

Q8: From the reading and discussion, what in your opinion is language planning?

Q9: And why do you think language planning is needed?

            In my opinion, language planning is proving that a country is developing. When a country develops, the people in the country should develop cognitively as well. It is not logical if the country moves forward and the people don’t. It should work hand in hand. Language planning in a country shows the world outside the country that, it is catching up with all the other developments in the present. It also allows purposeful communications to occur between the people of our country and people of other countries. It allows easy exchange of information as well as knowledge. The best part of all these is that, people can understand other people easily as well as avoid misunderstanding to occur. Language planning also allows people to be less stereotypical. Changes that occur in today’s world also cause changes in attitudes of people. Having language planning system in a country, allows everyone to see each other as equal.

Q7- TLT Assignment

Q7: Bahasa Melayu is taken as our National language so that it stands as a symbol of our unity; a language that unite the multiracial Malaysians as well as representing the nation.

i)                    What will the impact be on our national language?

ii)                  What are our efforts to help our own language?

See, this is why I keep stressing that the English language should not be looked upon as a threat to the national language. Even if it is seen as one, we should always be aware that, the survival of the national language relies on the loyalty of its people to make sure that their language is not dead. Why not implement that all of those whom want to apply for any government scholarships or jobs be competent in the language through paper and through verbal practices. We have to realise that, we play an important role in the survival of the language. If our people ignore this fact, then I am sorry to say the situation is not that of language killing another language. It is people killing their own language. Like it or not, this is the truth.

Q6- TLT Assignment

Q6: What are other items which come together with a language?

            Most people easily relate the English language to the western/European culture/way of living. The thing is, is doesn’t have to be that way. We Malaysians are famously known for our culture and multiethnic way of living. Why not bring that back? The world use to know us in a way that no matter how established we are, we hold on to our roots. Why not bring that back. Yes, our young generations are very much exposed and influenced by foreign cultures as well as materials and no matter how much we try it won’t stop getting to them. So, why not try a totally new approach to handle the matter. First of all, everything has to come from the family. The way they are brought up, family values, religious values, so on and so fort. There are multiple ways that we can handle the issue, its just that we confine ourselves in something and not letting ourselves out there to be open to suggestions. Every other country has its influence in Malaysian society but, does our society have any influence on any of the other? Nope, I don’t think we’ll ever get an answer. If we do get answer, it would be an unbearable truth and might raise political or racial issues.

Q5- TLT Assignment

Q5: Do you support the government’s implementation of learning Mathematics and Science in English? Why?

            Yes, I do support the government’s implementation of learning Mathematics and Science in English. Honestly, I think this is one decision that the government did right. If you ask me why do I think it’s the right decision that they have made so far? I would say; ‘because it will benefit the country.’ Every story takes time to reach its success. According to what I feel as a student, if they would have given some more time, they could have seen improving results.

            We Malaysian always have tons of reason for why we should not do things but, can’t come up with one of why we should and even we do come up with one, it is always arguable. Why is that? When it was implemented that Maths and Science was to be taught in English, it gave our students hope that; ‘yes, we are going somewhere together and not alone. We are trying to succeed together and not alone.’ Like I said earlier, let not the country succeed alone but, to succeed with its people. Well, students might not realize it consciously but, subconsciously they know there is a hope.

            There were matters involving students from rural areas not being able to cope with the changes due to limited references, lack of teachers, insufficient supports and the struggle of learning the core subjects in English but, in every success stories there are challenges. People see these problems separately and that is why it seems like it’s too much to handle. Let’s see this problem as one shall we? In one word all the problem can be put into one word which is; challenge.  Yes implementing a second language into the curriculum is by itself a challenge. See, common sense will tell you that every success will take its own phase of time to be achieved. It was just a matter of time that we were about to see real results but, we backed off early.

            The failure was blamed on several factors of the challenge. Firstly, it was due to limited references available in the rural areas. References limited or not, does not mean that they are unavailable. References are available but they are not used up to their full potential and to my understanding, references can be recycled for future use. If you want to relate the limitation of references to the limitation of IT available in the rural areas, still I’d say; ‘although it is limited, it does not mean that it is unavailable!’This leads me to the next factor which is the lack of teachers, now this is one of the most annoying reasons of all time. See, our country does not lack of teachers at all, it lacks of quality teachers.

 All our teachers are qualified to teach but, they don’t put much effort into teaching. As beginner teachers, they might have the enthusiasm but, in time that enthusiasm fades. Society has this stereotypical mind set that a teacher’s job is really easy. What they don’t know is that like other jobs, being a teacher has its risks as well. See, like all other profession the teaching profession has its own principles. Teachers are bound to teach according to the specific curriculum that has been set by the Education Ministry. However, we should understand that every learner has his/her own way of learning. On top of that, even in a small organization such as school has its politics. Language teachers especially, have to be able to use whatever resources they have in that rural area to make the lessons in the classrooms to be purposeful. Therefore, instead of saying that we lack of teachers to teach in the rural areas, it’s better to make some improvements for them to be much useful. Teach teachers to make everything they’ve got useful.

This brings us to the next point; ‘insufficient support’. This factor refers to two types of support; one’s financial support and the other is the support from the society. Financial wise, I would say we can manage. We think that our government can’t do much but, the truth is, they can. We pay many types of taxes in our country. Tolls are everywhere along the high way and people are travelling everyday sometimes their trips are more than once. I’d say, we out government can manage their financial well; we wouldn’t have any kind of financial problem to provide for the education of the people in the rural areas. It is possible for our government to provide financial support for those from the rural areas. Not only that, our government have to have to decide and prioritize. Taking steps, one at a time could help to solve the issue.

The other issue about the support from the society is that, people from the rural areas are easy to manipulate. When people from higher authority tell them that the English Language jeopardise the stand of the national language, they believe it. Higher authorities constantly confuse them and take advantage of their trust. What I believe that should be done is that, instead of threatening them that the English causes jeopardy to the national language, why not inform them why the English language is important for them to learn in order for them to have a secure future. Our government officials have to stop mixing politics and education. Only then, they can come up with a secure and healthy education plan for the country.

On top of that, the last factor that worries everybody is the difficulties that students face in learning the core subjects especially maths and science in English. Not only do the students face these difficulties, even teachers are facing difficulties teaching these subjects in English as they have been teaching in Bahasa for a very long time. However, this does not mean they should give up on it. The main reason why the government implemented that maths and science being taught in English is so that, students have more reason to communicate and learn the language quicker as well as help them think using the language. I repeat again, that this does not mean that the implementation of the language is to jeopardise the status of the national language. People should realise that, most scientific terms are of the English language which makes it easier for our learners to step into the grounds of higher educations as the syllabus in higher education systems are in English.

Q4 - TLT Assignment

Q4: Who exactly need the language most?

            I can actually name a few for this question but, I’d round it all up and say; ‘everyone in this country need the language.’ I don’t favour that only specific group of people should need the language. I think everybody should need it. They method here should be; ‘nobody gets left behind,’ not ‘I win, you lose.’ What is wrong if a cobbler can speak English? The language won’t be tainted would it? A cobbler in America and England can speak English. Even a Scottish cobbler with the weirdest accent can speak English why not a Malaysian cobbler? Why the grading system?

            Everyone needs the knowledge of this language. Only then, can this country really move forward not only by itself but, with its people. I think, this is why politicians and normal people somehow have conflicts one way or another. It’s because, in our society there is a grading system. A judging system of who belong to which group of people. Generally, everyone see that those who communicate in English are very bright and sophisticated people. Can you see the double standards? Do you want to know why double standards exist in our society? It’s because we created it. We fed it. To speak up the truth, our national language is not dying. We are killing it. We are asked to learn the English language. However, we used it as a weapon to kill another language. Language should be taught as knowledge and, knowledge should be respected. Like people, every language has its colour and kind. Language does not belong to a particular group or party. It does not have an owner. Everybody is entitled to learn any kind of language without restriction. They are entitled to learn it with passion for knowledge. Language should not be mistaken as a tool to improve ones status. So, if you ask me; ‘who needs the language most?’ I will always say; ‘EVERYBODY needs it.’ No more, no less.

Q3 - TLT Assignment

Q3: Why do we need English?

            Like I have said earlier, English is essential. Before civilization, a human only basic need for survival was food, shelter and water. However now, during an improving civilization and growth of technology communication has become one of the most important skills of survival. Yesterday humans hunt for food in the jungles and rivers. Today humans can hunt for food in supermarkets by purchasing them using green papers with inked values on them which we call; money. Get the comparison? All I am indicating is that, our world today is moving really fast and probably ahead of time.

            Where am I getting to with all of this? Well, simply said, communication is the one way that shows that humans are civilized. However, why is it that English is much important than any other languages? What is so special about English? In my opinion, I assume that it’s because, most countries around the world were colonized by the British during the early years before WWI. Therefore, the traces of the language have been left behind some how allowing it to be possible for almost anyone to pick up the language. However, we cannot expect everyone to be as fluent as the native speakers because, everybody is from somewhere, and that somewhere has its culture and its own accent which everyone will carry with them in their tongue.

            Coming straight to the point, we need English because it is the one language that people worldwide can understand. You can go anywhere from Malaysia and still be able to survive if you can communicate fluently in English. Knowing to speak English is also a requirement for employers to hire employees nowadays. The English language is also known as the professional language as it is widely used for formal businesses, political and economical matters. It is a professional language. Malaysia is a multiracial country and not all of its citizen mother tongue is the Bahasa Melayu language which causes the issue of the national language still hanging and highly sensitive. I am not arguing on which language should be our national language. In fact, I care less about it. Language is art, not a political tool. The English language is mainly important for our purpose of surviving in the outside world. It is essential for the growth of the country. The mastery of the language shows how our people are growing as well. To accept and learn the language does not mean to abandon the national language. To accept and learn the language shows that our people are mature and can handle much more than what we already have in hand. We are up to the challenge.