Wecome to Silent Writer's Porch

Hey,
How are you ?
Welcome to my Blog.
I am not an active blogger.
Before this, I have had some posts on but, I decided to take it all out and star up FRESH again...I felt that my posts were just too boring.
Even I hated it...
Of course most of the time it is of personal opinion basis but, there was no spice... nothing that would trigger the interest...
So, thank you for stopping by.
Please do leave a comment....
( 2nd June 2012)

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Malaysia
Complicated soul on the journey to self discovery...

Thursday 20 June 2013

The Plague of My Birth Name

Many people have told me that I should be proud of my name. It's a beautiful name. Why should I have to be ashamed of it?Well, those people are not me. So, why is it okay for them to judge me for how I feel about my name?

My name is AISHWARYA.
No! There is no 'Rai' at the back of my name. My family name is NOT 'Rai'.
I am not perfect. I make mistakes. I am human. I am a person. I am a normal girl. I am as weird as I can be at times. I am not slim and slender. I am chubby. I am full of me.

Do you know what kind of first impression people have of me when they hear my name is 'Aishwarya'?
They imagine me to be a girl who's pretty (as they think I should be). They imagine me to be slim and slender with perfect skin. They imagine me to be a girl who can fit in any dress and look gorgeous. How am I suppose to live up to this ridiculous expectation? I can't be who I really am. I can't be who people expect me to be. Worst of all, I struggle to live up to my name every day of my freaking life!

I tried to experiment the curse of my own name. I got a guy's number from a friend (a guy that I liked). I messaged him. Told him my name. He started guessing how I look. The description he gave me are; fair, tall, slim. The first two guesses - fair and tall - were right but, when it came to slim, I just knew that I might just lose him if he saw me in person. Which I actually did. I met up with him one day hoping that he might give in to getting to know the real me. We met in a library for less than 2minutes and never saw him ever again. I decided to never ever want to try dating at all and forever possibly.

Some jerks that I have come across in my life, use my own name to mock me. They tell me that my name doesn't fit me (the way I look). Well, those assholes are strangers and so, most of the time I just let it slide. However, it fucking hurts when there are people close to me telling me to change the way I look (physically) just so that I could fit their imaginative picture of a perfect girl.

Being rejected is normal. It happens but, when you are being rejected for not looking the way that you should for your own name, sucks! Most of the time, I avoid telling people my full name. I never do. I always tell people to call me 'Aish'. That is it. When people call me by my full name, I feel embarrassed and I avoid all eyes contact with everyone. Sometimes, I just look to the ground and pretend that I don't hear my name being called out. The hardest times were when I was in school, tuition classes and when I had to meet new people. Some people warm up to me when they get to know me for me and when they don't try to change me. Some, will just keep judging. Well... in simple terms; 'Jerks will be Jerks'.

There is no perfect explanation as to why I have written this article. In fact, I have no obligations to explain myself to anyone who doesn't understand the message of this article. Those who judge will keep judging but, I have a life to live so, peace out!

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Complicated soul on the journey to self discovery...

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Thursday 20 June 2013

The Plague of My Birth Name

Many people have told me that I should be proud of my name. It's a beautiful name. Why should I have to be ashamed of it?Well, those people are not me. So, why is it okay for them to judge me for how I feel about my name?

My name is AISHWARYA.
No! There is no 'Rai' at the back of my name. My family name is NOT 'Rai'.
I am not perfect. I make mistakes. I am human. I am a person. I am a normal girl. I am as weird as I can be at times. I am not slim and slender. I am chubby. I am full of me.

Do you know what kind of first impression people have of me when they hear my name is 'Aishwarya'?
They imagine me to be a girl who's pretty (as they think I should be). They imagine me to be slim and slender with perfect skin. They imagine me to be a girl who can fit in any dress and look gorgeous. How am I suppose to live up to this ridiculous expectation? I can't be who I really am. I can't be who people expect me to be. Worst of all, I struggle to live up to my name every day of my freaking life!

I tried to experiment the curse of my own name. I got a guy's number from a friend (a guy that I liked). I messaged him. Told him my name. He started guessing how I look. The description he gave me are; fair, tall, slim. The first two guesses - fair and tall - were right but, when it came to slim, I just knew that I might just lose him if he saw me in person. Which I actually did. I met up with him one day hoping that he might give in to getting to know the real me. We met in a library for less than 2minutes and never saw him ever again. I decided to never ever want to try dating at all and forever possibly.

Some jerks that I have come across in my life, use my own name to mock me. They tell me that my name doesn't fit me (the way I look). Well, those assholes are strangers and so, most of the time I just let it slide. However, it fucking hurts when there are people close to me telling me to change the way I look (physically) just so that I could fit their imaginative picture of a perfect girl.

Being rejected is normal. It happens but, when you are being rejected for not looking the way that you should for your own name, sucks! Most of the time, I avoid telling people my full name. I never do. I always tell people to call me 'Aish'. That is it. When people call me by my full name, I feel embarrassed and I avoid all eyes contact with everyone. Sometimes, I just look to the ground and pretend that I don't hear my name being called out. The hardest times were when I was in school, tuition classes and when I had to meet new people. Some people warm up to me when they get to know me for me and when they don't try to change me. Some, will just keep judging. Well... in simple terms; 'Jerks will be Jerks'.

There is no perfect explanation as to why I have written this article. In fact, I have no obligations to explain myself to anyone who doesn't understand the message of this article. Those who judge will keep judging but, I have a life to live so, peace out!

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Post a Comment