Jennet - A dramatic poem -

There is a woman,

Her name is Jennet.

They call her,

Jennet the tramp.

Jennet the tramp?

Why call her a tramp?

She looks nice and,

She seems sophisticated.

Why call Jennet a tramp?

She has standards.

Why call her a tramp?

She seems like a good gal.

No! Look at her.

Those blood red lips,

Those painted red fingernails and

That tight short red dress.

Don't you see young sir?

Only a whore dresses the way she does.

Don't you see young sir?

She's a woman with no self - respect!

No sir, I don't.

She is beautiful.

Only an angel can be,

As beautiful as she looks.

Angel, you say?

Sir, you are mad!

She's no angel,

She's the devil in disguise!

Devil, you say?

You sir, must be blind.

I see no devil in that woman,

She's just human.

Don't be fooled sir,

Look at her carefully.

The way she walks in that red high heel,

Listen to what she says when she speaks.

Jennet, has not shame!

She's a tramp!

She respects no boundaries!

She is nothing but a trashy tramp!

Sir, please do watch your words!

All I see is a beautiful, independent and,

courageous woman!

Jennet is nothing like a tramp,

She is an evolution!

An evolution of women's innocence.

Oh, foolish sir;

The devil has blinded you!

All she is, she is a tramp!

Let it be that I am foolish but, 

Jennet is no tramp.

Jennet is a beautiful, normal and

Proud woman!

She is independent,

She needs no man's approval to

live her life the way she wants it. 

That is all I see.

I see only Jennet and

not a sinner.

No, she's not a tramp.

No, she's not a devil.

Jennet is a woman,

She is brave and proud.

Any man would be fortunate

To have her in his life.

Oh, foolish sir!

She is sinful!

Many of man would've already

tasted her sweet nectar!

She probably sold it for a nickel!

She's a tramp and always will be!

Oh, wise sir,

If you'll allow me;

If Jennet was your daughter,

Would you call her a tramp?

Why judge Jennet so cruelly?

Does a woman have no right to be

Brave, independent and proud

To live the life she chooses to lead?

Rights?

For women?

Are you out of your mind?

Women need no rights!

They are where they should be!

So, tell me wise sir,

Where are they?

Where do they stand in this ideal society?

What are their purpose?

Well, now...

Young sir, you are asking the right questions!

Women are simply meant to serve men.

Women, 

They belong in the kitchen.

Their purpose are to cook, clean, bear children

And, please their husbands!

Their purpose is to make men feel superior!

Now, that is where they stand.

That is all the rights they need and have;

They need no more,

They are where they belong.

Dear wise sir, 

You forget.

If there was no woman,

You wouldn't be here.

For all that a woman had done for you,

You respect them too little!

Have you wondered,

If your mother had dreams?

Have you wondered,

If your mother hoped for a change of fate?

Would you have known love,

If it was not for your wife?

Would you have known life,

If it was not for your daughter?

What if you die tomorrow?

What are you leaving for your daughter?

Wouldn't you want a life of freedom and happiness

For your daughter?

Do you prefer her to be slaved?

Does she have no dreams?

Won't you want to make her dreams come true?

Oh, young sir;

I am speechless.

I apologize for my ruthlessness.

It never crossed my mind.

Yes! There should be change!

Maybe,

My daughter could one day be a doctor!

Maybe,

My daughter could one day be a judge!

Maybe,

My daughter could one day be an engineer!

Maybe, 

My daughter could one day rule the nation!

Yes! 

She could be anything she want to be!

She would inspire!

She would not be afraid of the world,

For she will have her rights!

 

Why am I here?

Here I sit

At the balcony 

Of the highest building

Surrounded by nothing but

Haze and silence.

I ask myself,

Why am I here?

But, I find no perfect reason.

Why am I here?

I could suffocate,

I am harming myself.

Why am I here?

From where I sit,

I see nothing but,

Clouded view.

Why am I here?

Do I have a purpose?

My stomach grumbles,

Signing that I am hungry but, 

I don't wish to move.

I ask myself again;

Why am I here?

What am I looking for?

Is it peace?

Is it solidarity?

Why am I here?

Why do I feel lost?

Why can't I find a place for myself?

Why is there no place for me?

Why do I constantly feel left out?

Why am I here?

Do I wish to end my life?

No, that's not it!

Why would I attempt that?

It's not necessary.

Isn't life more painful than death?

Why must I die a painful death?

Wait; I finally know!

I am looking for peace!

Yes, that must be it!

The Plague of My Birth Name

Many people have told me that I should be proud of my name. It's a beautiful name. Why should I have to be ashamed of it?Well, those people are not me. So, why is it okay for them to judge me for how I feel about my name?

My name is AISHWARYA.
No! There is no 'Rai' at the back of my name. My family name is NOT 'Rai'.
I am not perfect. I make mistakes. I am human. I am a person. I am a normal girl. I am as weird as I can be at times. I am not slim and slender. I am chubby. I am full of me.

Do you know what kind of first impression people have of me when they hear my name is 'Aishwarya'?
They imagine me to be a girl who's pretty (as they think I should be). They imagine me to be slim and slender with perfect skin. They imagine me to be a girl who can fit in any dress and look gorgeous. How am I suppose to live up to this ridiculous expectation? I can't be who I really am. I can't be who people expect me to be. Worst of all, I struggle to live up to my name every day of my freaking life!

I tried to experiment the curse of my own name. I got a guy's number from a friend (a guy that I liked). I messaged him. Told him my name. He started guessing how I look. The description he gave me are; fair, tall, slim. The first two guesses - fair and tall - were right but, when it came to slim, I just knew that I might just lose him if he saw me in person. Which I actually did. I met up with him one day hoping that he might give in to getting to know the real me. We met in a library for less than 2minutes and never saw him ever again. I decided to never ever want to try dating at all and forever possibly.

Some jerks that I have come across in my life, use my own name to mock me. They tell me that my name doesn't fit me (the way I look). Well, those assholes are strangers and so, most of the time I just let it slide. However, it fucking hurts when there are people close to me telling me to change the way I look (physically) just so that I could fit their imaginative picture of a perfect girl.

Being rejected is normal. It happens but, when you are being rejected for not looking the way that you should for your own name, sucks! Most of the time, I avoid telling people my full name. I never do. I always tell people to call me 'Aish'. That is it. When people call me by my full name, I feel embarrassed and I avoid all eyes contact with everyone. Sometimes, I just look to the ground and pretend that I don't hear my name being called out. The hardest times were when I was in school, tuition classes and when I had to meet new people. Some people warm up to me when they get to know me for me and when they don't try to change me. Some, will just keep judging. Well... in simple terms; 'Jerks will be Jerks'.

There is no perfect explanation as to why I have written this article. In fact, I have no obligations to explain myself to anyone who doesn't understand the message of this article. Those who judge will keep judging but, I have a life to live so, peace out!

Why I have a Blogger account?

Why in the world did I sign up for a blogger account?

This question has always disturbed me.

Well, at first I registered because I wanted to improve my writing skills and find out how many people in the whole wide world would actually read my - well what ever it is that I have here.

Also, I registered because I am always emotionally troubled and I find that writing is the only way that I can express my emotion openly. I don't really expect any response, I just want to get the bloody feelings out. It sucks I tell you.

Then, I find that I write my best when I am emotionally disturbed. I wonder why? I wish I can change this behavior.

Anyways, it really sucks. I find that my mind is twisted in some way. I find my life only of purpose when I go through emotional despair. I think I should see a shrink but, over here, it is not an advisable idea.

Maybe, I would engage myself to see one when I am finally standing on my own feet and free from parental grasps... right now... I am just... I guess... I am just lost...

Thus, I just keep praying for my piece of mind, heart and soul.

Oh My Friend

Oh my friend,

What have I 

To tell you about me

You know better
don't you?

Where have you been?

I've missed you.

Many stories do I have
to tell you.

My friend,

You taught me to trust

You taught me to love 

You taught me to respect;

I'm blessed...

My friend,

Where have you been?

I wished you to be around

when I was telling stories to my children;
what beautiful days those were...

Did you ever think of me?

Have you ever thought of calling?

I wished that you did...
I wished that I did too...

Did you know,
sometimes I feel lost?
Like I was incomplete.
My friend,

At times,
 I lose hope!
At times,
it is impossible
to trust!

At times,
to disappear
is what I desire!

Do you know,

sometimes

I fear for my children?

I fear
they wouldn't know friendship.

I wished,

they'd learn from us.

My friend,

I want to thank you

For accepting me
as a friend;
and

For accepting me
as I am.

You're a humble soul,

You made me believe,
in myself.

You made me,
a better person.

My friend,

I thank you,

For your care,

For your love
and

For your faith
in me.

My friend,

I'd had a wonderful journey

I can't wait
To tell you all about it;
there's pain, love, bitterness and sweets.
It was flavorful.

I thank you,
for everything!

and,

I can't thank you enough.
You made the world better
for me.

The Valentine's Day Dilemma

Happy Valentine's day everybody!
I know that the title sounds a little pathetic but, I hope that you guys won't think that way
after reading this.

The thing is, I just want to share something and to be frank, you would probably
assume that it's going to be about feelings. So, if you did... you're right. I am going to
share a little something about feelings.

I reminisced the time when I was in my teen years which ended just two years ago. =P
(God Bless my Teen Years)

Anyways, during that hormonal period of my life as a teenager I'd always dreamt of having the most
amazing and most romantic Valentine's Day with the guy of my dreams (which I never ever met
EVER! Even if I did, I had no chance... Not even today...).

Also, as much as I say I don't care about Valentine's Day but, deep down in my twisted teenage mind
and hormone I was deadly pathetic and sad! I hated Valentine's day because I always felt left out on the whole experience of expressing love to someone that would make a difference in me and my life. To be honest, I still do have the feeling. However, I don't hate Valentine's day as much as I did before. The reason to this might sound pathetic to those whom are in a relationship but, for the singles out there; SINGLES ROCK!

Sorry couples... I am happy for you guys too. The thing is, for us, 'Single People' I think it is most important to love yourself for who you are first, before you want someone to love you for who you are. For all girls, even the toughest ones out there, you have got to admit that at some point in your childhood or teen years, you have had dreams of meeting the right person (prince charming) and plan out your whole romantic story. Well if you don't want to admit it, it's okay because, I want to admit that. (Yes, this is an embarrassing confession...) Somehow, even if things don't work out as we plan it to, we still are chasing for it because all of it brings us back to one most addictive potion. The Potion of HOPE... We have always hoped and never stopped. That's what keeps the magic alive. The hope for finding Love someday.
It might not be today, it might not be tomorrow.
It might not be this week, it might not be next week.
It might not be this month, it might not be next month.
It might not be this year, it might not be next year too.
But, no matter what, we have never stopped hoping to find for Love. I am not sure if this quote is correct but, I'll give it a go okay... "Love is the food for souls."
(In case this quote had not been quoted before, I just want to say; Copyright by Me!) (LOL)

Anyways, back to my story.
Well, I'd just recently turned 21years old. At this point in my life, I do not have any intentions of being in any kind of relationship at all. In fact, I don't even want to ever get married. So, yeah... I have grown used to being single and I have learned to love myself, my space and my loneliness too much that I am actually comfortable with what I have. I do have regrets but, those regrets don't seem too important anymore. Once in awhile, there are times that I would love to find a shoulder to cry on. That's why we have friends and family for. They are always there to lend me a shoulder. So, when we keep finding for Love so far away, sometimes, we miss out on the Love nearby. So, This Valentine's day, I am thankful for what I have with me.
So yeah... I hope that, you guys don't leave out on those whom have always been there for you.

Looking back into my childhood

Well, don't assume that I'm super old just by reading the title fellow readers. I'm just a twenty year old girl with some issues during her childhood and still do actually. I want to keep learning so, I keep making mistakes until there is no more mistake that I need to do.

Anyways, lets not waste any time and get straight to the point. I was thinking for hours about what to write in order to update my blog and since it has been quite awhile that I wrote something, I want to give something really nice for your brain to chew (don't worry I won't make you think much). I was chatting for a couple of hours with a friend online about some 'things' and as the conversation ended, I realized that I still didn't have anything in mind that I want to write about. Then I remembered my days in school and why am I the way I am today.

I was not a happy kid. I was a kid who pretended to be happy. I was a kid who pretended that everything was going to be okay if you just keep hoping and keep having faith in that hope. I was a kid that kept pretending to understand the adults. I was a kid who pretended it was totally cool if my parents did not make it on sports day to watch me be the mascot or support my participation. I was the kid who supported others when I myself needed the most support. I was the kid who had no other voice speaking up for me and no other ears to listen to my voice. I am not an orphan but, I felt so sometimes. I had ignored many negative voices in my head. I had ignored many situations to keep myself safe from being hurt. I had cried myself to sleep for most of the nights. I was made to feel useless and my self-esteem was constantly attacked by those around me. I was made to feel guilty even if I did no mistakes.

I had trust people and had allowed them to hurt me that I dare not trust anyone anymore. Most of the time, I just respect people. I do not trust them. These people, they just want me to be their listener. I should always understand them you see; because they are too perfect to need to understand others. They are never wrong (so they think). They say that I need to understand them. They say that I need to change. They say that I am not listening. They say that I am too stubborn. They say that I don't talk to them. They say that I am too secretive. They say that I am too influenced by my friends (those they are not fond of). Well, they should try their own advice first before giving it to someone else I'd say. I do talk but, they don't listen, they just hear. To listen and to hear is two different thing people!

My point is, if you have children please learn to accept their flaws. They might not meet up to your expectations but, it doesn't mean  that they don't deserve your attention and support. Yes, it is important for your children to know that you have a certain problem especially when it is a financial one. Letting your children know a little something about your troubles develops a sense of responsibility in themselves. They become much independent sometimes and know that things don't always come easy in life. Teach them to learn from failures because IT WILL make them stronger.

The most embarrassing moment in my life???

I had come across this question a few times before and I still do not know the answer to it. I do not know how an embarrassment should make me feel because, I am a sensitive person and I do take embarrassing moments extremely emotional. Sometimes, I become very depressed too. So yeah...

Anyway, I think I have one up my sleeve right now that I can share...

I think I was around 15 years old at the time. I was waiting for my dad to come pick me up from school. As I was waiting for my dad, I saw my brothers' old schoolmate waiting at the same spot too. They were just 5 steps away. At the time, I did not realize or even knew that those two boys had a sister who was studying at my school ( I study in an all girls school). I did want to strike up a conversation because I do know them but, I was shy. Then I saw them trying to get their message through 'sign language'(not the proper one; it was more of body language), using their hand movements and lips movements. Stupidly, I assumed that they were addressing it to me and I replied to them loudly (I should have minded my own business...). I actually thought that they were asking where were my brothers. A while later, I realize that they were not looking at me. They were looking over me. Their sister was sitting right behind me (about two steps away) and I did not realize.

However, when I did realize, I tried to cover up by looking over the boys. I shall tell you, it was not that... embarrassing when I realize that they were not talking to me. What came later is much embarrassing than that. I saw my discipline teacher sitting at table a feet away, watching me the whole time. In my head, I imagined to lock myself in a cupboard and never come out ever again. I swear I saw that woman holding back her laughter. IT WAS SO... EMBARRASSING!!!

How to live?

This question has no specific answer to it. However, we keep asking this question to many people. How do I live? What is the meaning of life?

The answer varies for every different individual whom go through life differently everyday. One individual cannot live too many lives of other individuals. Still, for the same question every individual never stopped seeking for the answer. We would either know the individual or might not know the individual. My definition of life is trust.

Without trust, you won’t be able to live. Everyday, you would wake up and worry which bastard would stab you in the back. Which of those whom you love would leave you? Which person in your life that you trust so much would shatter your trust? You would go through everyday with fear in your eyes and doubts in your mind. You might even end up not trusting yourself. You will start asking questions to yourself;

Am I a bad person?

Am I not worth it?

Do I not deserve someone special in my life?

 Should I not trust anyone anymore?

Should I move far away?

Should I still be alive?

What’s the point of living when I can’t live my own life?

What’s the point of giving advice when I myself cannot follow my own advice?

Why is it that I should listen to those around me when they don’t even hear me out?

What’s the point of being alive?

Who am I living for?

What is my purpose of living?

Can I get one good reason that I should be alive?

Do I have a reason to live?

How do I live?

When you start asking all these questions, stand up from your seat. Put away what you’re doing. Leave that cigarette. Leave that bottle of whiskey on the table or what ever type of alcohol you have in your hand. Wipe away your tears. Put a smile on your face.

It’s not because I am going to help you find your answer. I am not God. I can’t give you your answer. You got to find the answers on you own. However, I can tell you one thing for sure. Pull up your socks. Get ready for your new adventure. Don’t worry, this adventure is not expensive. It is priceless and only you can travel it. You don’t have to pack your bag. You don’t even need to throw away your old stuff. Well, not until you are ready that is. Unless you are someone whom has lost someone special, you don’t have to throw anything away. Maybe you might have to get rid of some bad habits that you have acquired during the miserable days of your life but, not your belongings unless, you want to.

Talking about losing someone... well, honey... if you have lost someone really important, many might have told you to let go. Look, letting go is a choice of yes or no. Seriously speaking, you don’t really have to let go. It is all about acceptance. The acceptance, that the person is no more in your life. You don’t have to forget about the person. You don’t have to delete the person too. If the person has hurt you, learn to forgive. If the person has wounded you, learn to forget. It is easy to say, ‘just move on’. It is hard to actually put it into action. Even to forgive and forget, its definition varies for each individual. You don’t have to be like everybody. Do it according to your own comfort. No one is forcing you. No one is forcing you to breathe. No one is pressing a pillow against your face. Just take a deep breath and decide on what you really want to feel.

Well, that’s for those whom have lost someone. I am going all the way back to where I asked you to put a smile on your face. See, I didn’t ask you to put a smile on your face and hypocritically tell you that everything is going to be okay. I asked you to put a smile on your face because; you still have time ahead of you. You can still make it in time to make a difference in your life. When I say make a difference, I didn’t mean make a huge donation. I meant, make a difference in YOUR LIFE. Seriously, what’s your point of helping others live when you can’t live your own life? It might give you some kind of satisfaction but, the satisfaction would just be for a short while and, what about later? Are you going to keep donating until you go totally bankrupt? Better give me the donation then...

Honey, it’s okay to not be able to trust anyone. You are not alone. Many of us don’t trust the people around us. Only some whom are daring enough to admit that they don’t trust anyone. When you accept that truth about yourself, honey, you should be proud of yourself because, at that moment, you are finally breathing for yourself. You finally found the right door to come out. You won’t know how it happens but, you’ll definitely feel how light your chest would get.

Hey, I said that you’d go trough a new adventure. I didn’t say I would guide you through it. Baby, this is something you should do on your own. Don’t depend on anyone but yourself. This is your life now and it is up to you on how you want to start it because, when you start, there is no end to it. It is forever. You will have to find those answers on your own; you will have to go through a lot of pain in order to find the answers for your questions; you will need to do it alone; you will need to depend on no one else but yourself. And, I’ll tell you one thing for sure; you will be proud of yourself and it will be worth it. Just be careful on how you are going to start your journey okay... You have been listening to all those unnecessary people all your life right? Now, listen to your world. Listen to the universe. Communicate with them. 

Early Marriages

This is another assignment of mine that I submitted for one of my subjects in college... =)
So, here you go...

Early Marriages

Most of the time, early marriages are related to child marriages. However, this time I would like to relate early marriages to adults whom range from the age of 17 to 25 and not children. As fact, we all have known that child marriages are unacceptable and irrational and there are many articles about it on the internet that you can immediately get to in a second. In contrast, early adult marriages are not discussed as much as child marriages while many know that the situation is almost equally harmful. To note, most of the time women have always been the victims of these marriages. In today’s world, most women are educated and so are the men however, why do we encounter subjects such as divorce, cheating spouses, suicide, abortion and baby dumping? Have any of us actually thought about this? That is why I am incorporation certain points in the coming paragraphs.

The main cause for such incident to take place comes from root. By root I mean, the family. Specifically I mean the elders in the family. Young adults are very vulnerable to emotional blackmails from their family members although they are the most stubborn creatures. They are aware of their responsibilities towards their family and they know if their family’s decisions are right or wrong. However, when it comes to emotional blackmail, all logics are thrown out the window and the only matter that would be taken into count is the happiness of their elders. The elders in most families are not to be said uneducated although there are some whom are uneducated or whom are lack of education. Well, the matter is that they are not up to date with the current world. They are still stuck with their own old mentalities and old principles which many of us know that not all are applicable in the current world. On top of that, many elders have the misconception that early marriage could lead to early pregnancies that could lead to having more grandchildren. Young adults automatically become victims of their elders’ needs.

The effect that would come of this irrational decision could lead to young adults ending up in divorce cases. The reason to this is that, young adults whom are forced into early marriages are stuck in a stressful situation of not accepting their spouses for who they are. Sometimes, too many differences of each other’s personality and characteristics could lead to emotional frustration as they are constantly fighting within themselves. Young adults whom are married when they are at the age range of 21-25 will have financial problems as they did not have the time to develop their career. If one cannot support himself, how can he be able to support a family? Taking a woman into account, if she is married of to a man of doesn’t matter what age he is, or how financially stable he is or even how settled he is, the woman will still suffer in the future if any kind of problem comes up. This is because the woman will be very dependant on the man for all kind of support. On top of that, being married off at a very young age, might have caused the woman to give up on her own hopes and dreams as of now, she has been forced to take the responsibility of a wife. It costs more if the woman does not have a higher education for her to be able to support herself which will cause her to be totally dependant on the man she’s married to and put up with much critical troubles in the future. Especially, if she has children or experience domestic abuse.

Furthermore, early marriage between young adults could also lead them to cheat on their spouses. Having been forced to get married is not a mild issue. It involves emotion. Women are well known to be emotional. Men, on the other hand are equally the same but, we can’t see it because, they don’t express themselves like women do. Women are known to be vulnerable so, when a woman cries it is very casual. It is not a new matter. It is bound to happen. In contrast, when a man cries, it is weird. This is actually a general point of view because, men are always known as the stronger gender. Men are known to be stone hearted. However, we always overlook the fact that, both men and women are just normal human beings and, human beings have emotions and God never restricted any of his children from expressing themselves. Getting married at a very young age and against self will, young couples will go through misunderstandings as they can’t accept the marriage whole heartedly to surrender himself/herself to the person he/she is married to entirely because of his/her guilty conscience. Therefore, there will be lack of communication, lack of physical and emotional attachment towards their spouses. This would lead them to find for happiness outside their marriage. Miscommunication would lead to the lack of attention towards each others’ emotional and physical needs and this does not just include men but, it also includes women as well. In the current world, this has become very normal especially among young married couples.

Therefore, young adults whom are forced into early marriages should learn to communicate with their elders and try to make them understand that it takes time for both individuals to be sure that they are ready to be married as well as ready to start a family. Young adults should learn to speak for themselves and realize, it’s their life that they are putting at risk and others’. They should realize that they are the ones that are going to be living together against their own will and not their elders. Marriage is a sacred foundation of starting a new honest life with two willing hearts and, not the foundation that should be started with compromise and lies. They should keep this in mind.