Just One Call

Things wouldn't have been so hard if you didn't decide to disappear from my life all of a sudden. You had all means to have contacted me but you did not. So, I decided that I don't need to hope for you to come around anymore.

I confessed and, you said you were okay with it. I told you that I just want to let you know. I didn't mean to scare you away. I know I am not the prettiest girl in the world but, don't you think I deserve to know why you left me hanging? I do not know of your intentions. I do not know how you see me as. I am sorry if I got it all wrong.

Unfortunately, I fell for you. I kept it in for too long and I needed you to know. I thought of telling you earlier but, you already had someone at the time and I thought I should just stay away. Then, the time seemed all right again when she left you. I've been there day and night to make sure you were fine. Have you not wondered why?

I did not see your time of despair as an opportunity. I wouldn't want to be your rebound either. I knew at the time if I told you that I have feelings for you, you would take it the wrong way and might stay away from me. However, I took the risk of telling you anyway because, I didn't want to loose you anymore. Not to anyone. Thus, as I assumed you did exactly as I thought you would. I wouldn't blame you. I was stupid to have thought that you will still stick around.

Now, all I want to do is to get over you. I don't want to think of you anymore nor have any thoughts of you in my mind and heart. I don't want to care about you or what you do or even with whom you might be with at this very moment. I know we have our differences. I hoped that you would have looked pass all that and try to think of the possibilities. Too bad, guess you never did look pass anything at all.

I was always waiting. Always... Now, I have stopped but, you keep coming back into my life. Why? What more do you want from me? What do you want me to think of it as? If you think what you're doing is 'returning favors,' please don't . I don't need you to return any favors. You don't have to. You have no obligations towards me and nor do I. We have nothing to look forward to. I am tired of fighting with myself, with my feelings and my mind.

You have no idea how deeply have you broken my heart and hurt my feelings. I felt like an idiot waiting for something that will never happen and keep hoping for the impossibles. Now, I don't expect you to come back and make any changes. We are back to square one. We are now, just strangers. All I want from you are answers.

You could have called. You could have messaged me. You could have just stayed in touch. We could have been just friends if you were straight forward at the time. Why didn't you call? Why didn't you leave me a message? Why didn't you stay in touch? It hurts to see you just walk away like that. Why in hell did you leave me hanging?! If I did a mistake, you could have told me.

All those time, I acted like a fool trying to impress you and I end up being one. Did you really not notice or are you just pretending? Why in hell did you lead me on? I didn't want to be your anybody, I just wanted to know if you have or had the feelings that I have for you. I don't expect for your commitment. I just want to know if my feelings were worth anything at all. Yes or No, I would take it. As much as I am afraid to know your answers, I think I am willing to take the risk to be crushed and hurt one last time before I totally let go. I need to let go.

If you really want to return a favor, just give me the answers I need. I don't wish to chat with you or talk to you about this silly matter. Just send me one last message to read and end my misery. I'm too tired already. Let me know what to do with this twisted thing between us? Honestly, I don't know what to think. Should we just stay as strangers, acquaintances or friends? I am totally lost... I am still trying to get over everything.

I've had a crush on you since I was 11 years old. I realized that it was more than just a crush as time grew. So, don't you dare tell me that it's childish. You were never in my place. I know the difference between 'like', 'monkey love', and 'love'. You don't have to give me a lesson on that. I know enough to know what and how I feel.

The reason I told you that I have feelings for you after your first break up was because, I had no other choice but to let it out before someone else start coming around. I know, I don't have any rights to question you of with whom or what you're doing with your life and, I won't. I don't care anymore. I won't. All I want are my answers. So, please. Just give me my answers. I want to be trough with this shit. You don't have to be so subtle on giving me my answers just be true and straight forward. I think I can handle it. If you wish to insult me, go ahead. I've been through worse. I am thick skinned enough to take it all for one last time and be over with it. So, please for once just tell me the truth.

If you know who you are, I hope we can keep this matter between us... I know it is ironic as I posted this on a public blog, not many know that I have a blog and those whom might know this blog do not the author of this blog and if they do, they won't know about you... I am sorry but, please give me my answer...